Music and Me
It was during my first episode of severe depression at age twenty-one that I experienced the true power of music and realised that a single song had the ability to instantly influence my mood. I found this out the hard way after I was gifted a meditation CD with 12 instrumental tracks that were supposed to enhance and promote relaxation to improve mental wellbeing. Unfortunately, it did the complete opposite.
As I listened to the sombre tones and dull chimes of the first track, something triggered inside me, causing an instant escalation in my negative thinking that heightened my dark thoughts and sent me deeper into despair. I could not listen to that track (or anything remotely similar) again without it triggering an overwhelming negative response that immediately took me back to that one desperate moment. And it was this experience that opened my eyes to the sheer magnitude of music and its influence on my mental health.
Over the years, I have learned to use music to my advantage, making it a tool to help me lift my mood and boost my motivation to get me through those dark and difficult days. When I was experiencing a ‘low,’ I would reach into my mental jukebox and select a track from a bank of uplifting songs that could help take me to a positive place and remind me that the negative feelings would not last forever.
Not only did I use music as a pick-me-up, but I had a bank of tracks that hit me deep and helped me to release the emotion and intense feelings that were festering inside. I could often feel numb and find it difficult to cry, but these songs helped me feel, express, and release what was boiling inside.
Breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably was therapeutic for me, and the songs I used at these times were deep and would hit a nerve, forcing me to cry hard and decompress rather than internalise my distress. The relief was unbelievable, but I had to be careful and learned to recognise my mindset to know that I was in the correct space to use it for this purpose and not send myself down a spiral of depression.
Using music helped me cope and played a big part in bringing me back from a decline in my mood so I could continue the fight against anorexia and bulimia and build a life for myself. Although for many years this was alongside my eating disorder, it kept me going and has allowed me to get to where I am today.
I would advise anyone to find a track or two, put those earphones in or play it out loud, crank up the volume, and blast that bad boy with the intention of lifting your mood and injecting you with motivation to fight. You may be surprised how much it can help.
Now I can see how it was fundamental to my life and my recovery. And I don’t know how I would have managed without it!
Please see video above to find out more about the power of music and how it helped me along my mental health journey and recovery.
