My Eating Disorder and Depression
One of the most debilitating mental health symptoms that occurred alongside my eating disorder (ED) was the effect it had on my mood and subsequent struggle with depression.
This particularly heightened as my relentless eating disorder behaviours and symptoms chipped away at my soul, causing the negative thoughts and feelings to intensify as my ED took over every part of my life. It was so powerful that I could do nothing to stop it, which was the scariest and most challenging feeling of all.
The ironic thing about my mental decline and depression was that I reached for my eating disorder to cope with difficult feelings and emotions, so it became a significant driving force behind my anorexia and bulimia. I subsequently became trapped in a vicious, dangerous cycle that left me gravitating towards ‘IT’ and pulled me deeper into that dark hole.
Managing my fluctuating mood through medication and therapy helped me fight my anorexic thoughts and urges and build a life for myself, even though my eating disorder had morphed into full-blown bulimia that I calculatingly hid from those around me.
Frustratingly, my ED remained the centre of my world despite my appearing medically ‘healthy’ a lot of the time and presenting as high-functioning. I was a master of manipulation and deception, secretly fulfilling the urges to binge, purge, and engage in other destructive behaviours that were severely impacting my quality of life.
Looking back, I am forever grateful I was able to keep fighting, because it meant I was lucky enough to still be on this earth to experience the shift in my mindset where I finally woke up to reality and committed to letting ‘IT’ go once and for all.
Breaking free from my eating disorder was hard, but I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did, and I have absolutely no regrets.
To find out more about my battle with depression and how I was able to alleviate these symptoms to aid my fight against my eating disorder, please refer to the video at the top of this page.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression and require support, please refer to the mental health services and crisis lines listed in the helpful links pages, by clicking on one of the links below.
